Tales of a Brown-Haired Freak

It's been 2 semesters since the kidney was last spotted and the students had finally begun to return to their lives. Sure, there were the memories - the sleepless nights and the tears when physiology seemed all to close and the morning too distant. But it was in the past now, and they were learning to move on, if not forget. They would never forget.

That, of course, it when it chose to strike. It had been waiting, patiently biding its time in the shadows, getting to know its enemies. That had been it's mistake last time, but it wouldn't make it again. Never coming close enough to be spotted, the kidney watched, and waited, and plotted. Now, the time was right.

With the students happy about defeating micro and their guards down in the wake of a week of short classes, the kidney knew the time had come to enact its revenge.

Stealthily, it infiltrated the path department and began to work its evil on the minds of the professors there, slowly bending their wills to its desires. When the department was fully subverted, it sent them out to find the students and defeat them, one by one.

It was only a matter of time.

I suppose it's about time I mentioned exam week - I know you've all been breathlessly waiting to see how it went. Or something. How about I just tell you anyway?

( Lots of details are just one click away! )

38 days to go!

Dear Terms 1, 2 and 6,

Congratulations on successfully (or not so successfully) completing your semester! I wish you safe travels home and hope that, while you're enjoying being amongst your friends and family once again, you spare a thought or two for us 4th termers still stuck on this island, slaving our way through 6 more weeks of path, nutrition, and CPD.

Love,
R

PS - I hate you all.

In the hope of some of this actually sticking this time, I present to you R's exciting list of things I can't remember in micro, no matter how many times I go over my flashcards (distinguished from things I can't remember because I haven't had *time* to go over them yet):

-you can't diagnose Lyme disease from a CSF smear (why would you want to?)
-hepatitis C blocks apoptosis and interferon
-clue cells are pathognomonic for vaginitis/vaginosis/vagineesis (Yes, I made that last one up).
-campylobacteria are catalase positive and don't eat sugar
-Typhus has a Brill-Zinnser carrier state (whatever that means)
-TTP occurs in the elderly and HUS in children with EHEC. Antibiotics will kill them! (the people, that is. Not the EHEC's. Though they do kills those as well. That's why the people die. Uh, nevermind.)
-cholera has a phage-coded toxin
-rabies is diagnosed with dFA. (so is everything else. Except the things that aren't)
-herpes blocks IFN, CTL, and IgG.
-EEE, VEE, and WEE are different, even though they're pretty much the same. (I refuse to learn anything more about them, entirely on principle)

And so ends the much lamented medical micro, going out, as it were, with a bang.

No, really - today we discussed microbes as terrorism weapons (more specifically, how hard it is to use them effectively).

Planning on filling a box with dynamite and anthrax and setting it off in the subway? Don't bother - the shock wave will kill the spores. Going to stand on top of a japanese high rise and spray anthrax spores out over the crowds in the middle of the afternoon for 4 hours? Also not a good idea - UV from the sun will destroy the spores long before they come into contact with people. I suppose if you wanted to avoid that possibility, you could rig the exhaust pipe of a car to spray anthrax as you drove around downtown tokyo for a few days. But that too, would be doomed to failure - it's almost impossible to aerosolize the spores finely enough so that they'd make it deep enough into the lungs to cause damage. (That was also the Aum Shinrikyo, better known for the tokyo subway sarin attacks.). I suppose we're lucky that, as a whole, the world's doomsday cults aren't too bright.

That's the good news. The bad news is that, if someone ever actually managed to engineer an effective biological attack to, oh say influence local elections, we're all pretty much doomed. History tells us (as well as various simulations) that were say, smallpox to be release into an american shopping mall, society as a whole is pretty much doomed. Economic and social collapse of the world as we know it. We'd be lucky if the government even realized what was happening, let alone found the perpetrators. And there's been other simulations done since, none of which have predicted a much better outcome.

Oh, and since doctors are most likely to be the first to deal with any infected people that turn up, we're going to be the first to die. Sorry!

Happy thoughts to end a not-so-happy course.

studystudystudystudystudystudy food.
studystudystudystudystudystudy facebook.
studystudystudystudystudystudy post this.
studystudystudystudystudystudy walk.
studystudystudystudystudystudy read the news.

rinse and repeat x 30.

studystudystudystudystudystudy turtle watching!

who says you can't just drop everything and head up island in the middle of pre-exam week? It's laying season!

(I'd originally planned on going right after exams, but S's fiance is visiting this week and it seemed like a good distraction on a long weekend when there won't be too many other students there with us).

Midterms are three weeks away and I'm already having to bribe myself with candy to get myself to study. I'm exhausted and doubting my abilities and I want to go home because then I wouldn't have to learn my lymphomas anymore. They raised the price of peanut M&M's at the D store. We had a quiz on the weekend and we had a quiz today and we have a quiz next week and there's been no time to prepare for any of them.

But at least I have candy (even if it means that now I have to study).

The nice thing about having entire mornings devoted to micro group presentations is that it means we don't have to learn anything new before the weekend starts. This is especially appreciated this week, when we have several dozen leukemias and lymphomas with identical presentations to memorize, hepatitis A through G to figure out, and a CDP quiz on Monday.

The not so nice thing about having entire mornings devoted to micro group presentations is that we have to sit through entire mornings of micro presentations. The topics aren't so bad, but listening to person after person liberally embellishing their powerpoint with "ums", "uhs" and "hmmms" can get a bit grating after awhile. But it's not all bad - as a whole, we appear to have dropped the "likes" of our undergrad years.

( And then there's all sorts of other things going on right now. )

Well, the SGA/IEA/Powers That Be meeting ended all of 5 minutes ago, so naturally, 3/4 of our class has already heard the good news. We're not going to have a retest (not like that was ever really an option, but it's still good to hear). Instead, they're dropping the 10 contested questions from the exam, adding 5 more to each of the next to tests, and calling it even.

Yes, it really took them 2 weeks to decide that. 2 weeks of stress and uncertainty, solved by a 30 minute meeting, and spread by 5 minutes of instant messaging. Turns out the rumor mill really IS the only thing faster than light.

You know what sucks?

When it's dinner time on Monday and you're only now discovering that you did the wrong slides for path, and you still have half a week's worth of lecture material to review.

doh!

2 weeks later and still no news on the path scandal. Dammit, I just want my grade already! It's really interesting to see how the story has spread - I caught a ride to campus today with the school ambulance driver, and even he knew about it! Most fascinating to see is how the different terms see it - terms 1 and 2 seem to see the chick who went to admin as some sort of hero, full of integrity and sunshine and unicorns. Terms 4 and 6 (who know what path is like and know how much stuff (mostly useless) gets passed around for it) see her as a self-righteous tantrum-throwing hypocrite who only did it to "show them. Show them all." Reality is probably somewhere in the middle.

Yesterday J and I threw our biannual non-denominational potluck. Our landlord leant us his bbq and some tables and chairs, and (after some issues with getting the charcoal lit and accidently setting our trash can on fire), we cooked up a bunch of tuna kabobs and corn and fried up some mahimahi, and everyone else brought the sides. I ate enough to have me sincerely envying bulemics (and B - I want your mac n'cheese recipe. I'll bother you about it later), and then added some of E's most-absolutely-incredibly-amazing flan (though I want to call it creme brulee - is there a regional difference in the naming?) and A's ice cream on top. Thanks to everyone who came out (and J, for coming by after!) - and we'll see you at thanksgiving!

Of course, the rest of the day was a bust, so I got to catch up on my fiction while I digested. Today, I'm paying for that with a lot of path and mocro catching up to do, but it was worth it.

So I did great on the micro exam, but I attribute that mostly to luck (on an exam where a fifth of the class failed, statistics say at least a few people are going to get A's, even if only by guessing). The exam was horrible and at least moderately unfair, but now it's over and that's all there is to say about that. I'd like to say I did well on the path exam, but the truth is that I'm still not sure. Here's the deal:

We wrote the exam. Then we all celebrated. During celebrations, someone said something along the lines of "sure am glad I had that recording of last term's post-exam review! Those 5-10 questions really saved my butt." People nearby said various things to the effect of "There was a recording? Why didn't you share it with me? I wish I'd had it. Oh well - maybe next time."

But one person heard, and said, "OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!! THERE WAS A FILE? AND I DIDN'T GET IT? THOSE PEOPLE WERE CHEATING!!!!!11!ELEVEN!!! I'M TELLING!!!!" and went to the course director about it. The director said "Yeah, and?" and ignored her, as the recoding was common knowledge amongst the Powers That Be and no more cheating than using copies of old tests as practice questions. So she went to the dean. (keep in mind that she wasn't upset about people cheating - her outrage came solely from the fact that she didn't get the chance to do so herself. When similar items have been available in the past, she's quite happily used them without any complaints).

Of course, the dean has to do somehting - that's why he's the dean. So a few days later we get an email tellng us to sit tight, we'll get our grades this week after they "clear up some confusion."

Fast forward to today - no grades. Little Miss Tantrum's outburst is now common knowledge (with some alterations and exaggerations, in typical rumor-mill style) with all the expected disgust and resentment. A mass email gets sent out, that essentially says "Test has been compromised! Turn yourselves in and we'll be lenient! Failure to do so will result in expulsion! Free ice cream for anyone who rats out their friends! Fail to do so and you'll all have to retake the exam! This message will self-destruct in 24 hours!"

And that's that. I'm really hoping that the retaking the test idea is an empty threat and they'll just drop the contested questions, since there really isn't much time to study for it on top of everything else right now. And no, I didn't have the file - I tried to get my hands on it after I heard about the whole scandal, but oddly enough, I can't find anyone willing to admit to any knowledge of its existence prior to a few days ago. Go figure.

You know, fourth term is a strange one. Strangest of all is that for once, everyone you talk to gives you the same advice. Everyone! The people who got A's last term say exactly the same thing as the people who decelled - they say "Path is really interesting, be nice to your group, study hard, and never ever forget about micro." And then they say "No, really. Micro is the course everyone puts off till the last minute, but don't do it! Stay up to date on your micro!"

Of course, this is pretty obvious advice. Who in their right mind would put off a 5 credit course? 5 credits is a lot - that's the same as physio or neuro. And remembering how much work physio was, its only obvious that one would want to devote a pretty healthy amount of time to mastering the art of telling microbes apart - or whatever it is we're supposed to be learning in that class.

( I'm supposed to be doing my slides for next week right now. Instead, I'm writing this. Kind of ironic, when you think about it. )

We celebrated post-midterms in traditional fashion (Rick's, beach, hash, and House), and I'm correspondingly burned, sandy, sore, and entertained. Unfortunately, this term is planned so that we don't actually get the entire weekend off. Consequently, it's back to studying for a big upcoming week (pulmonary path AND GI micro?! Are they trying to punish us for something?). Well, that and watching tv. Because it's still the weekend, and I intend to get my money's worth, dammit.

First, the Taylor Hall alarm decides to spontaneously go off avery 10 minutes for over an hour. Then, we get mysterious thumps and scrapes from the CPR class upstairs. Later, I'm just bored and tired of rereading about the fifty-thousand oncogene examples and trying to remember which disease is associated with each, especially because I'm not even sure it's testable. And now there's a creepy guy hanging around the baasketball courts, harrassing innocent ladies who just want to sign up for an hour with a treadmill. I quit. How am I supposed to study in this sort of environment?

(And yes, of course I sicced the security guard on him. What did you expect?)

Sandblast makes me ashamed to be an SGU student.

( Let me explain. )

And that's why I killed him, you honor.

Oh, wait. Never mind that. Damn! I meant to say something profound and satisfyingly closure-inducing, but the moment's gone now. Sorry.

Today, I was at school for 9 hours. In that time, I did 4 path slides (yay mesothelioma! Boo asbestos!), 1 path quiz (Boo path department! You fail at creating online quizzes that make sense and actually have the pictures that the questions reference on them), 1 path concept map (pointless, much?), and pre-readings for 6 path lectures (though it was only 2 sections). I...um...thought about micro. A little bit. For a few minutes.

Oh, and I also got some treadmill time in...while listening to path lectures on my ipod. Tomorrow I get to try and catch up on last week's path.

Now I understand what they meant when they said there wouldn't be enough time for micro.

So it's official. I really like path. Weird, huh?

( There's more under here. )

So anyway, I guess all those medical aptitude tests are right - path really is the field for me. At least right now. I'll probably get tired of it in a couple of weeks when midterm strike, but until then I think I'll be happy with my enjoyment.

In an effort to de-stress while supporting the neuroscience society of SGU, J and I entered their beer pong tournament tonight (if you don'tknow what it is, ask me wan I get home - I'll teach you). We entered as team Starsky and Hutch and promptly lost out first match. This put us into the loser bracket, where we won our match against a couple of charming young british tourists, and then lost out next game against 2 boys who actually knew what they were doing (though we didn't make too badly a showing of it). Now I'm home and not terribly stressed. That means it worked! Class in 6 hours = time to sleep. Night!t

Dear Mom and Dad,

Currently buried in path - see you in July. Don't forget to water my plants.

Love, R

ps. Please send money.

Yesterday I got to play Dread Pirate Roberts in a boating race. Sometimes I operated a rope that dealt with the mail sail and the boom and occasionally I operated a rope that dealt with the front sail. Mostly, I was ballast because that's what I do best. I was not allowed to touch the steering wheel, as much fun as it looked.

We did 2 races. We came in second in the first, and managed to win the second using a last-ditch strategy that involved tacking before they did in order to steal their wind, then zooming to the finish buoy while they frantically tried to re-set their sails so they could start moving again. Now I know why so many people like to sail! It was a lot of fun and the weather was perfect. I want a boat, and someone to teach me how to sail it. Oh, and some free time - that would be nice too. I also want a pony and a rocketship...

Today of course, I woke up after roughly 11 hours of sleep to find that 75% of my body is covered in rather painful sunburn (not a continuous 75%. This one includes the tops of my feet, a strip around my back just over my kidneys, and my knees, but doesn't include my back, my scalp or my shins. Weird). Yes, I wore sunscreen. Yes, I reapplied sunscreen. And yes, I burned even so. Stupid sun/ocean! Also, I hurt. Pulling on ropes and scrambling around the boat while it's cornering so that the sail is actually touching water are not apparently the best activities for someone as coordination-challenged as I am. Who knew?

Today, of course, I make up for having fun yesterday. Luckily, since we still haven't gotten our path packages (no comment), that's pretty easy. Micro is on the menu, and then I can come home and nap. And make a crockpot full of delicious lunch foods, because we'll be needing them this week. And finish my laundry. And email the CPD department about their failure to schedule labs that don't conflict with path (why would they even bother to make the schedule before the path groups are finalized?). And get groceries. Oh, and contact my landlord about getting a refund for the 2 months that we haven't had our cleaner (she's sick, but that's not OUR fault). And...okay, maybe not as easy an afternoon as I'd hoped. But better than studying all day. Anything's better than that. Except getting tortured by evil ninjas - but that's another story.